Hermana Anne Tolman: : Bela

The last week in San Blas was as eventful as any other. Everyone was gifting us food cause they heard our mission president was considering taking us all off the islands cause there was no plausible way to send us more food and money for the coming transfers.

Anyways, one guy went fishing for us in the morning and we gutted it and fried it for lunch (and when I say we gutted it I mean Hermana Lopez gutted it and I sometimes helped (our system was that she basically did all the cooking and I did all the cleaning, especially the dishes (which is a big pain when you don't have indoor plumbing hehe)))

Anyways, I also got bit by a cat? It was my bff cat who was pregnant. She had her babies and I guess she was mad that I touched her babies so she bit my leg and it bled!

Other than that we were mostly reading the Book of Mormon with members and visiting each joven (youth) enrolled in Seminary and teaching the lessons individually so they could get credit (basically 90% of what we were doing there was running church meetings and activities as well as teaching seminary and institute so after church-sponsored gatherings of people were banned we were getting a little antsy cause we already knew almost everyone on the island and basically had the same 10 people to visit everyday and read the Book of Mormon) We also almost had 2 baptisms but like, that's another story. It didn't work out.

On Wednesday, Glomildo (this funny member who loves to keep in touch with all the previous missionaries) see's us walking down the path and goes "Hermana Tolman! 7.9 earthquake hits Salt Lake City! The whole angel Moroni on the Salt Lake Temple came CRASHING to the EARTH!" So from that I was pretty spooked and worried for my family. I later found out it was a 5.7 magnitude earthquake and that only the trumpet fell off (which is still pretty symbolic considering the circumstances...).

Then on Thursday night we got the call that we would be leaving San Blas on Saturday. Al final, they just saw the way things were going and wanted to have all of us close to the city just in case anything happened (lol and good thing, am I right?). We were very sad but peaceful about it. We had no idea what was gonna happen once we got to the city but were curious about what the state of the normal world was. We had all of Friday to pack while we had daylight and say goodbye to everyone and then Saturday felt like being in a cartoon. It poured rain all morning (not the most fun when ur shower is outside 🙃.) and then we waited for the Zone Leaders to come get us along with all the other remaining missionaries (they were on an island 6 hours away called Ustupu and just passed by and picked us all up on the way back). Apparently they had a few problems getting off their island cause at this point all of San Blas was meant to be closed (nobody comes in or gets out) but the church wrote a special letter and somehow we made it out with little difficulty. All our friends on our island gave us going-away gifts but they were kind of like "lol that's funny cause we all know you're not actually gonna be able to get out. It's not possible. The port is CLOSED." and we were like "🤷🏻‍♀️”.

We asked our District Leader (on an island like 2 hours away) to text us when they were leaving their island but they fOrGoT so we were just sitting in our house eating lunch when we hear all the kids yelling that there were Elders on the Island and then they knocked on our door and we were like "Ope!" cause we thought they were at least 2 hours away still. Anyways they picked up our rice sacks (where we pack our stuff) and we all ran back to the dock, hugging people and leaving the perishable food we had with people along the way. Surprisingly a lot of people came to the dock to see us off. They cried! But I don't know if it was specifically because they'd miss us or just cause they were jealous that we got special permission to leave? But yeah we just skipped onto the boat as it carried us away and waved at all the kiddos on the dock. We also passed by the branch president in his boat on the way back from the monte. He had assumed we could not leave and had gone to the monte to get food so you can imagine the look on his face when he saw all the missionaries driving away in a boat, never to return.

From there we went to the offices and they gave us pizza and were like "everything is COMPLETELY fine, you're all just gonna get reassigned to new areas with new companions" and then my DREAM came TRUE cause I got reassigned to be an Hermana Leader with my mission bff Hermana Hopkin in David (an area that's like 8 hrs from Panama City by bus, up closer to Costa Rica). They had a plane tickets with our names on them to fly to David the next morning.

After this meeting, Hna Garrett approaches us and tells us to stick around for a while because her and President Garrett had a meeting with the Guatemala area presidency and there was a chance that things would change because of the coronavirus. We were like "lol what could possibly happen that would mean we would not get to go to David?" and Hna Garrett goes "well the Brethren are concerned for the safety of all the Hermanas if riots started breaking out or if there were food shortages and robberies" and I just remember kind of laughing it off and moving on.

So there we were, me and Hna Hopkin, chattering away in the mission offices without a care in our hearts while President and Hermana Garrett went to their virtual meeting. (As a side note, after mostly hearing dule-gaya and having my baseline language be spanish for a while, being surrounded by english again was very overwhelming to my brain. I feel like my mind would just go blank every 5 seconds and I was very awkward socially.)

A little while later, Hna Garrett steps out of the office for a minute and we go "how's it going haha? any news?" she just had this grave look on her face, as if she'd seen a ghost.

So she goes back in and we keep talking, but this time a little bit of worry started creeping in. Suddenly the door opens again and Hna Garret is crying and goes to get tissues. We were looking at her like "??" and she just kind of shakes her head and goes back to the meeting.

A little while later she comes out and walks straight up to me and Hna Hopkin. She looks at us straight in the eye and says "Hermanas this is very serious. You won't be flying to David tomorrow morning, you'll be flying home. Everyone. Is. Going. Home."

You would think that at this moment my whole world was turned upside down. But for some reason I felt the strongest peace I've ever felt in my life.

I don't remember exactly when, but before leaving the island I had a moment where I was sitting in my hammock and I had this very strong but peaceful feeling that I had done everything I needed to do in Panama. Obviously that was a confusing feeling when I still had 3 transfers left before my release date. Anyways, from that moment to the moment Hna Garrett told us we were going home nothing had felt very real. I felt like I was in a weird dream.

Hermana Hopkin was put in a weird situation because all of her suitcases and stuff were back in David (8hrs away). Hermana Garrett told her she could choose to go back to David and get her stuff but that would mean staying in Panama for another 30 days with a latina companion (because countries other than the US were being more difficult when it came to letting their citizens back in) or she could abandon her possessions and take the flight home the next morning. This of course threw her into a major dilemma. I remember praying with her while sitting on the bathroom floor crying about what she should do. In the end she called the David Zone Leaders and had them pack up all her stuff for her so they could bring it back when they eventually came back to the city.

At this point, the Panamanian government had a strict curfew put in place that nobody could be out on the streets past 9pm. It was starting to get close so President and Hermana Garrett invited us to stay the night in Hermana Nelsons fancy pants apartment a few blocks away from the mission office. We were MORE than happy to oblige (seeing that apartment was a dream that I'd heard legends about from other missionaries that got to go there when they were sick).

The Garretts drove us over there in their car and explained that the situation was looking more like everyone would be in Panama for at least 30 days because of the availability of flights, so they might actually send us to David after all. (I remember President Garrett being so funny as we were freaking out about what we were gonna wear/look like when we arrived home. He goes "just wear a ponytail!". He was also so sympathetic to our dreams of being companions in David. Hna Garrett brought up the point that it doesn't make sense to send us to David if we're not going to be able to proselyte and are just gonna have to come back in a couple weeks. President Garrett goes "but it's their dream! we have to let their dream come true before they go home!") So anyways, they dropped us off and we went up to the posh penthouse apartment not really sure where we were gonna be the next morning.

So the next morning (Sunday) we wake up and the Garretts call us and say that they've given our tickets to David to the APs so they can deliver 2 week kits of food/water/toilet paper/supplies to all the missionaries still in the interior. They say "you're probably starving, go find food somewhere in the city" and we were like "but its Sunday?! :0" and they were like "yeah well do you want to eat or not?" and we were like "wow" and walked a couple blocks until we found a 5 Guys (we were very shocked cause we didn't know those existed in Panama) and then the Garretts came and picked us up and took us to the offices with them. On the ride over they asked us to be the "Hermana Cosechas" (the Hermana version of being APs which was a pretty exciting title) and check in with all the companionships of hermanas over the phone and work in the offices for the next 30 days while they're working out the logistics of getting everyone home. So we were the lucky ones who got to call each companionship of sisters and create an account for them with the US Embassy and somehow not tell them that we're going home.

Then the secretaries found a flight that was leaving Panama in 2 hrs, which means we RAN back to the apartment and threw everything in our suitcases in 15 minutes and then RAN back to the offices just to find out that we weren't gonna make it in time and instead would be leaving on a chartered flight from United 2 days later. Sometime in that craziness I remember calling my family and saying "get your signs ready, I'm coming home!" and just being excited as ever to see them.

Anyways once that happened the cat was out of the bag to all the other missionaries that we were going home so everyone started coming into the offices to exchange companions, putting Americans with Americans, Honduranians with Honduranians, Peruvians with Peruvians, and so on and so forth. President Garrett took as many of us as he could into his office to have the abridged version of a final interview and call our stake presidents to let them know we were coming home.

He showed me a chart that said missionaries with 2 or less transfers left would be released upon returning home and would stay home permanently. I came to realize that I was not in that category so I would not be released when I got home and was going to be reassigned. This was the moment that I started to freak out and all the peace I'd felt left my body. I was convinced that the feeling of closure I'd felt on the island meant I wasn't going to be reassigned. I remember calling my family again but this time I was crying and scared. The thought of going home and seeing them and then having to leave them again and re-learn how to be a missionary in the states made my heart sink.

Somehow me, Hna Hopkin, and Hna Rollins all ended up together on our last night in Panama in Hna Nelson's bougie apartment. It was tender (we were in the MTC together and spent our first night in Panama together in a hotel). We sorted through our suitcases and threw away a whole bunch of clothes in the dumpster. We made a microwave burrito and cut it into four slices (Hna Coats was with us too).

I remember Hna Hopkin reading from D&C 29:14-24 as we all stared out the window at all the city lights. I was completely convinced that it was the end of the world.

The next day all the American hermanas and maybe 10-15 of the elders gathered in the offices with all our luggage. We sang God Be With You till We Meet Again and I wept. It was a very surreal moment. Then we got in some chivas and went to the airport.

Anyways, uh, yeah. I'm home now and it is so so cold here. The mission party has been pooped, along with everyone else's parties. But the simple truth is that the Lord is at the head of His Church and COVID-19 was not a surprise to Him as it was to all of us. I know he's gonna take care of me and all of us as we move forward and are obedient to his commands. What a special gift it was to me to be able to meet and teach so many people and see how the church functions in a different part of the world. I got really worried when I came home that I wasn't different enough but the Spirit has taught me over and over that as long as we're trying everyday to be a better follower of Jesus Christ, we're progressing. Thanks to the Restoration of the Gospel, the Atonement has meaning and can "restor[e] what you cannot restore, [heal] the wound you cannot heal, [and fix] that which you broke and you cannot fix".

If you're not yet a member of the church or are but have fallen away for one reason or another, I plead with you to come (or come back) and partake of Christ's redeeming love! If you don't have a testimony, get one! Read the Book of Mormon with faith. Make and keep covenants with God. It'll change your life! Just being a good person is not enough.

I love all of you and am grateful for your friendship and support. It's looking like I won't be going back out cause my release date was August 4th and that's a little bit uh.. soon? But in the meantime, please pray for all the missionaries still down there in Panama and for my mission president and wife, that they can all get home to their families and have patience in the process.

Anyways here's a whole bunch of photos. Some from just barely and others are old ones I never sent. Also the title of the post is Bela which kind of just means "all done" in dulegaya.

San Blas Zone (minus the other Sisters who got taken out a week before us)

Lili, the most fiel (faithful) member on the island.
She's been through the temple and everything and knows the Kuna version of most of the hymns. She also washes all our laundry by hand which we're so grateful for.

Rosa my most favorite Kuna (she was mad we wouldn't wear her doll necklaces so didn't wanna look at the camera)

Branch President's mom

Got a picture with the two Silas (Chiefs) of the island

We always helped this lady do her laundry. She didn't speak any Spanish but she was really funny and still joked around with us a lot. Whenever we would ask her name she would say "sate nombre" which means "I don't have a name"

Carla

Abel

Nairuby, one of the girls we taught in Seminary

With Boona, the best cook on the Island. She doesn't speak any spanish but she just has this motherly aura and loves taking care of the missionaries.

A lot of the jovens still love learning and performing their traditional dances and flute playing. We caught them practicing hehe.

Quick video tour of our San Blas house before we left!

"Us when we're waiting for our boat and it never comes" according to our fun friend Heidi

Impressive Mola of the Nativity, Flight into Egypt, and the story of Adam and Eve

Some less-good mola, haha

Dule-masi (plantains, fish, coconut water)

Finally snuck a picture of the dolls that are in every household. Every day they bathe them in plant water and when someone is sick these are the dolls that the medicine man communicates with to heal them. They are guardians but if you disobey their rules they can hurt you?

baby parrot!

bff cat who bit me

One of the many maze-like stick pathways on the island

wall of fame

gutting the gifted fish

Those kids have my heart

My District Leader drew this picture of our zone. Everyone lines up with a Star Wars character. Little did he know we were quite literally going to be "La Ultima Zona"

We thought WE were lucky with our mini protective dolls, but look what Elder Bowen was gifted!

Just to see our pictures together on the board was a dream come true

Hermana Nelson's posh "penthouse" in the city

All that was left was a microwaveable chimichanga that we cut into 4ths

First Day in Panama (3/26/19) and Last Day in Panama (3/24/20)

"Dying" with my great-granddaughter in the mission, Hna French

flying home

First moments on US soil after getting off the plane in Houston. I remember an airport employee saying "cool beans" and being so taken off guard by such a fun american phrase that I'd forgotten all about.